"I think we should stay friends"

Can you stay friends after a relationship ends?

This of course is a question many of us hope we will never have to face, however, when a relationship ends many of us take the stance that all forms of friendly communication should end there to. If this is true then why? 

Perhaps it's the whole all good things come to an end mentality for example: boyfri(end), girlfri(end), l(over).

OR  more likely it's that our exes just know too much, they know what makes us tick and what make us vulnerable and we shut these people out because, after all they've hurt you once with all this information, so what's to say it could never happen again? 

On the rare occasion that a break up is mutual  it may on the other hand possible to maintain such a friendly bong with said person. unfortunately for most of us break ups involve one person being the heart breaker and the other the hear broken. The heart breaker often resorting to final parting comments such as "it's not you! it's me!", which anyone who has ever had the delight of being on the receiving end of this charming little one liner will know, does not make you feel better about yourself, oh no, all it merely allow your ex to keep in contact with you painfully reminding you that yes, you were in fact dumped.  

Also your ex has seen you naked, butt naked, and for many of us pulling back from what is such an intimate relationship to one of just friends can be more damaging than actually beneficial. further more, if either one of you still has any feeling s left for the ex, then as a friend you will have to sit by and watch as they move on and live their lives with someone else. So here brings another problem that you are emotionally forbidden to confide in the ex thus meaning the chances of successful friendship are slim. 

Ultimately though, having an ex in your life just makes it harder to move on with your own life. Bitterness, jealousy, the irrational feeling that you don't want to see them with anyone else even when you have no feelings there. So unless it was a short affair that ended amicably or you were the best of friends before the relationship begun, the chances of maintaining a successful friendship may as well be 100 to 1.

"I'm just a notch in your bed post",

The one night stand

Anyone who has ever experienced a one night stand will understand that there is certain degree of social ambiguity about how a person is supposed to behave. So when it comes to one night stands what is the proper conduct, if there is one at all?

One night stands can be tricky situations for any person regardless of confidence, you don’t know the person and the person doesn’t know you, so unfortunately, whilst one night stands can often be portrayed as robust sexual experience the sex can often be clumsy, quick and uncomfortable.

First things first, it must be established that the deed shall be done! Once it is quite clear that both parties have the same intentions (this strictly does not include any future intentions developed during or after, this is the pre-emptive strike), there are several do’s and don’ts that should really be abided by quite strictly.

The do’s:

1.       Feel free to be whoever you like, hell! it’s a one night stand, you just met the person, they don’t know if you have some creepy foot-fetish or do or don’t wear contacts! Be who you want, the sex could be great, the sex could be shocking at the end of it all, the chances of you seeing them again are slim (Girls don’t kid yourself, you’re in bed with him on the first night you’ve met him:  a) he’s thinking you’re easy or B) he’s easy!).

2.       Be honest, if they do something that just isn’t working then tell them. But don’t be too harsh, you’re not there to stroke his ego (you are not his mother nor his girlfriend) but you are about to touch his manly hood.

The don’ts

1.       Talk about your personal life. Don’t get deep! You just  met, and all casual small talk about favourite colours, favourite music should have stopped at the bar when you decided to come home together. Ultimately they are horny and they do not care about your little sisters birthday party that you “just absolutely can’t miss”. No. Not working. For anyone. You are not the exception to that rule, 
      this is not he’s just not that in to you.

2.       Do not talk about food! Unless of course this can be incorporated into foreplay.

3.       Ask personal questions about STD’s during sex. You  should be wearing a condom and that topic should have been covered wayyyy before the peg met the hole.

4.       Ask them their name during, yes you’ve just met them, but no one wants to feel that unappreciated!

5.       Mention someone else name, even you aren’t thinking of them during, they don’t need to know

6.       Venture anywhere adventurous. Generally speaking no, anal is not okay and can be a touchy subject.

     

       However, perhaps the biggest don't is to not to get in to the situation where you or the person outstay their welcome. Perhaps one the most awkward situations is not necessarily the one night stand, but the almost one night stand. My friend recently found herself in a situation whereby she could get the gentleman to leave her house, they did not engage in any sexual activities other than passionate kissing, during which at some stage my friend actually decided they weren't actually up for such activities and pretended to fall asleep. Unfortunately the guy did not up and leave like my friend had presumed he would, instead he snuggled down for the night also. Moral of the story being don't put yourself in the situation where a one night stand is possible if you aren't 100% sure about it, and if your object of desire falls asleep, that is most definitely your cue to up and leave. You are not their other half, and as such they need no protection off of you from burglars, murderers or even the boggy monster.  

"you're emotionally unavailable? I'm emotionally damaged"

“I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!” –The Holiday

Emotionally damaged

So, everyone at some point in their life is bound to have been rejected, scorned or shunned, but at which point does the pain we suffer from these blows destroy us so much that we become one of the ‘emotionally damaged’?

It’s all very well and good to blame our emotional insecurities on others, but when we really examine the facts is it really their fault? Whilst other people may lay the foundations for our internal turmoil, we actively make things much worse for ourselves. We are in fact willingly destroying ourselves by re-thinking, over-thinking and analysing every little detail relating to relationships.  

And the reason is this: you're hoping you're wrong. And every time they do something that tells you they are no good, you ignore it. And every time they come through and surprise you, they win you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that they’re not for you.  And as such you begin the endless battle in your mind between what you know to be true and what you wish to be true, because we all buy into the bullshit Hollywood template for falling in love. 

Well stop. Because you will never be truly free from emotional hurt, but that isn't to say you will forever be an emotional write off, you will experience hurt, but how do you expect someone not to throw your baggage back in your face if you use it as a weapon against them also.

You’re only emotionally damaged for as long you make yourself emotionally unavailable. So for Christ’s sake learn to love yourself. You might not find your prince charming, but if you sure as hell won’t end up as the next Miss Havisham.