"I'm just a notch in your bed post",

The one night stand

Anyone who has ever experienced a one night stand will understand that there is certain degree of social ambiguity about how a person is supposed to behave. So when it comes to one night stands what is the proper conduct, if there is one at all?

One night stands can be tricky situations for any person regardless of confidence, you don’t know the person and the person doesn’t know you, so unfortunately, whilst one night stands can often be portrayed as robust sexual experience the sex can often be clumsy, quick and uncomfortable.

First things first, it must be established that the deed shall be done! Once it is quite clear that both parties have the same intentions (this strictly does not include any future intentions developed during or after, this is the pre-emptive strike), there are several do’s and don’ts that should really be abided by quite strictly.

The do’s:

1.       Feel free to be whoever you like, hell! it’s a one night stand, you just met the person, they don’t know if you have some creepy foot-fetish or do or don’t wear contacts! Be who you want, the sex could be great, the sex could be shocking at the end of it all, the chances of you seeing them again are slim (Girls don’t kid yourself, you’re in bed with him on the first night you’ve met him:  a) he’s thinking you’re easy or B) he’s easy!).

2.       Be honest, if they do something that just isn’t working then tell them. But don’t be too harsh, you’re not there to stroke his ego (you are not his mother nor his girlfriend) but you are about to touch his manly hood.

The don’ts

1.       Talk about your personal life. Don’t get deep! You just  met, and all casual small talk about favourite colours, favourite music should have stopped at the bar when you decided to come home together. Ultimately they are horny and they do not care about your little sisters birthday party that you “just absolutely can’t miss”. No. Not working. For anyone. You are not the exception to that rule, 
      this is not he’s just not that in to you.

2.       Do not talk about food! Unless of course this can be incorporated into foreplay.

3.       Ask personal questions about STD’s during sex. You  should be wearing a condom and that topic should have been covered wayyyy before the peg met the hole.

4.       Ask them their name during, yes you’ve just met them, but no one wants to feel that unappreciated!

5.       Mention someone else name, even you aren’t thinking of them during, they don’t need to know

6.       Venture anywhere adventurous. Generally speaking no, anal is not okay and can be a touchy subject.

     

       However, perhaps the biggest don't is to not to get in to the situation where you or the person outstay their welcome. Perhaps one the most awkward situations is not necessarily the one night stand, but the almost one night stand. My friend recently found herself in a situation whereby she could get the gentleman to leave her house, they did not engage in any sexual activities other than passionate kissing, during which at some stage my friend actually decided they weren't actually up for such activities and pretended to fall asleep. Unfortunately the guy did not up and leave like my friend had presumed he would, instead he snuggled down for the night also. Moral of the story being don't put yourself in the situation where a one night stand is possible if you aren't 100% sure about it, and if your object of desire falls asleep, that is most definitely your cue to up and leave. You are not their other half, and as such they need no protection off of you from burglars, murderers or even the boggy monster.